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Author Archives: Anna Alexander

Pipe Dreams and Cassette Tapes


There were always the cassette tapes. Along with the bags of garbage, moldy clothes, old box springs and mattresses, and dirty, plastic Christmas decorations.

Many years ago, I worked for a property management company and one of my more glamorous duties was inventorying storage units when people fell way behind on their rent. Even before my co-worker pulled his bolt cutter out of the back of his truck to cut the lock, I knew what awaited us: a bag of garbage, half-drunk bottles of Mountain Dew (it was always Mountain Dew), moldy bags of clothes, an old, dirty mattress, cast off furniture, and plastic binders with cracked covers of old cassette tapes from the popular fitness gurus, top real estate hucksters and snake oil sales people of the decade.

The tapes were always in pristine condition with the first installment in a series of 10 half listened to before the owner gave up and put it back in its case. The people in the glossy photographed covers with their perfectly coiffed hair and whitened smiles promised their true believers they too could be the next best real estate giant, the fittest, thinnest, healthiest person on the block, and the smartest, rockstar in their profession. Just give them 10 hours of your time and you can transform your life! It’s that easy!

I saw the storage units as snapshots of these people’s lives. The salvation in a box of tapes didn’t deliver and they just couldn’t throw away the Christmas decorations leftover from a time when things were easier and happier. They hoarded things they couldn’t throw away.. and promised themselves they would pick that habit back up again when times got better or they had more time (like my husband’s wall of comic books in our garage) and weren’t distracted by Facebook or the second season of Jessica Jones.

Back before social media and the 24/7 news cycle, we never really got the full story behind these “self made” people. We never really learned that they were successful because they were born into privilege and their wealthy father funded their first successful “deal” or they had significant plastic surgery so they could play the role as the thinness and best fitness guru. Of course, we learned their dirty secrets later when they had a public meltdown or The National Enquirer did an expose piece on them. But for the time being, we bought the books and cassette tapes with the hope that by just simply reading or listening would transform our lives.

Why do we think salvation is easy? Should it be easy? How can committing yourself to some random deity, self-proclaimed guru with a box of cassette tapes, or reading a Buzz Feed article instantly change a lifetime of bad habits? 5 Kale Cleanses for the Successful Woman! 6 Life Hacks to Reverse a Lifetime of Emotional Baggage! No, hipster Buzz Feed writer living in your camper, I don’t think so…. and yet we still buy into it. As I am writing this, I got distracted by an article on Medium about 6 Ways to Hack Your Productivity and a NY Times article on re-wiring your brain.

We crave instant gratification in three easy steps and a life plan dictated to us in pig Latin from the back a Chipotle bag. We crave a clear, concise life map rather than the windy, twisty, dangerous road on the side of a cliff. I remember a day when I went to my favorite running spot in the middle of the woods in a rich, affluent Portland suburb and got annoyed that half the parking lot was taken up by construction. Surely I should have known! There had to be some sort of app or tarot card that I failed to consult! Did I mention I’m a horrible perfectionist? Life would be so much easier of we just listened to that box of moldy cassette tapes.

Despite my ramblings, I’m not dismissing the fact that a spark of imagination or creative inspiration can’t be found from that moldy box of cassette tapes or Chipotle bag.. we just have to realize the spark takes work to turn into a fire; it needs air and fuel and we have to coax it into a fire. The box of cassette tapes and the gym membership won’t make us thin unless we commit. Commitment is hard and frustrating and takes work. A lot of work. Something I’m not always very good at doing. Like a lot of creative people, I have journals (and a blog) full of Grand Plans and life changing lists that I never followed through on because I got distracted by the next shiny object.

So, the point of all this rambling is we can lead healthier lifestyles, run faster and be the top sales person in our field if we are willing to commit and put in the time. Having a dream can only get us so far. We have to find people who can help us set benchmark goals and encourage us to keep going. And most importantly, help us throw away those those moldy old tapes because that fitness guru and real estate mogol was indicted on money laundering charges back when Bill Clinton was president.


Spirit of Place # 1 The Hop & Vine


Welcome to the inaugural Spirit of Place. For my first “episode” I’m taking you to one my favorite places. No, it’s not Powell’s, but is on my list of places to go. I’m taking you to one of my favorite eating and drinking establishments in North Portland, The Hop & Vine.

The day I came here was a typical rainy Portland afternoon. My plans for the day had fallen through and I wanted to go somewhere to write. I got to thinking about this project and wondered what the spirits here would be like, if they would talk and what stories they would tell. So, I pointed my car to North Portland for a bite to eat and a glass of wine and a conversation.

The spirits at The Hop & Vine aren’t very forthcoming with information or making their presence known. Typically spirits in “haunted” places are usually a bit more forceful and insist on letting me know they are there and whether they like me or not. The spirits at Hop & Vine, however, are a lot like the clientele: laid back, relaxed and passionate about their libations, and are slow to open up.

I connected the spirits after my first glass of wine and lunch. I can’t do anything when my blood sugar is low and I didn’t want to go into the place with my metaphysical guns blazing. I never do that anyway, but you get the point. The spirits here made me work to connect with them as I sent my feelers into the dark corners of the bar. When I finally connected and proved I wasn’t there to exploit or kick them out, I told them I was there to hear their stories and just talk.

Their presence is felt more at night when the windows are steamy and people can’t feel them moving through the building. They are attracted to the building by the energy from the spa next door and come to The Hop & Vine for the ambiance. Having worked in a spa briefly, I can tell you spirits are attracted to the healing energies.

This is their story: We are the people of the land. The people who lived here before you did. We are the people who worked and tilled the soil and died here making Portland what is today. We like the energy here and we like to sit at the bar and trick the bartender dears into making drinks no one ordered. We are the working class, the blue collars and we enjoy the bar for its music, ambiance and tattoos. We stay in the back in the employee only area in the morning and early afternoon and come out at night. Sometimes we sit in the patio area when it’s sunny.

 Are you first natives? No, we are the settlers of Portland. The dockworkers, the mill workers, the people who needed to relax and decompress after work. This is where we came to be with our working families. We don’t like it when people are constantly on their phones, and if you notice, the people here don’t do that. Bring your friends, eat, relax and boast. Use this place like your working class neighborhood bar but with a better tap list and better food. Unpretentious. That is what we are and that is what we try to make this place.

 Come here to hatch plans and write and be creative but don’t take up too much space. This is not your personal office, it is a place for you and your friends and the people you love. We are the protectors of this business and this building and want to keep it prosperous for as long as we can. Thank you for talking to us. Not many can see/hear/or feel us and we are glad you took the time to seek us out. Come back often and hatch more plans.

I wrote this piece and let it sit for a few weeks and recently returned to Hop & Vine for date night with my husband. We sat outside in the back and I said hello to the spirits.  While we were there, I looked around and noticed, that except for the guy who brought his laptop into the bar to show pictures to his friends, no one was on their phones. People talked, laughed, ate and enjoyed each others company without posting pictures of their food and drinks on Facebook. I encourage you to come here for a date night or after work drink with people you want to laugh and talk to and leave your phones in the car. The spirits will thank you.

Do you have a place you want me to go? Drop me a line in the comments I’ll see what I can do.

Introduction to a new series

Window in Window

WordPress has kindly informed me this blog is beyond dusty and extremely moldy as I haven’t posted anything for a little over 2 years. Kinda sad, but life got in the way and I had a brief writing crisis of faith where everything I wrote felt like it wasn’t any good.

But the muse bit me recently and bit hard and I would like to introduce to you, gentle reader, to a new series to this blog called Spirit of Place.

As many of you know, I have been reading runes and tarot cards for well over 20 years and I also connect with spirits and provide readings for people who want to learn about and get to know their spirit guides. I guess my official title would be Medium. I call them spirits and not dead people because I find that to be disrespectful.

haunted fountainThe idea of Spirit of Place came to me when my sister, Rachel, and I were in Italy. We had just visited a nice haunted castle in a cute little Italian town and were enjoying some afternoon libations near a water fountain in a small park. Rachel also has the same gifts as me and told me there was a spirit near the water fountain who wanted to talk to us.

I convinced the spirit that the language barrier wasn’t a problem and were introduced to a very dapper spirit named Fritz. Fritz told us about his family, his life and why he chose the water fountain and the park. We had a pleasant chat with Fritz and when we were done, we poured out a little of our afternoon libations and thanked Fritz for his stories. He thanks us for listening and went back to the fountain.

And that is what I am going to do this with blog series. I will visit local business, open spaces, parks, etc. and talk to the “Fritzs” inhabiting the spaces and ask them to tell me their stories. I will also ask how others can take advantage of the “spirit” of these places for your own benefit. Also, if I go to a place and the spirits don’t feel like talking, I won’t push. I may come back a few times until they do, but if they really don’t want to talk, I won’t force them.

Please also note: this is not a “ghost hunting” blog. I’m not going to whip out EMF Meters or digital recorders and demand the spirits talk to me. I find that recent trend to be a disrespectful and I’m not here to get readings.

I hope you enjoy this “spirited” ride and if you have any places you want to recommend or are curious about, let me know.

Also, if you do visit the places I write about, make sure to leave an offering for the spirits residing there.

Embrace The Suck


A video featuring the wise words of Ira Glass has been floating around my Facebook feed where is giving a commentary as only Ira can about the creative process and how we all suck at the beginning of any creative endeavor and just have to plow through until we get good. A friend of mine wisely paraphrased it as The Rules of Suck.

Last week I was reminded of The Rules of Suck when I was running through beautiful Northwest Portland. For those of you who don’t live here, NW Portland is beautiful but very hilly and I had to run up those hills for two miles during my weekly running group long run. My lungs complained, my legs complained and bad thoughts and four letter words went through my head when the marathoners passed me when I caved and walked up part of the hill.

When I got to the 1.5 mile mark, I stopped and watched the other runners and considered my fate. I could turn around and go back and no one would know, or I could keep huffing, panting and swearing for another half mile. About that time another fellow runner in my group ran by and told me I was doing a good job. I figured this was a sign from the Universe so I took a deep breath and walked and ran the last half mile before I turned around.

As expected, the downhill part was easy and gave me time to review my performance. Of course I immediately went to everything I did wrong: my sore muscles, my tight legs, etc. until a voice that sounded a lot like my mom’s said, “What about all the things you did right? You didn’t short your run and who cares if you walked? You FINISHED.”

Insert stunned, sweaty Anna here.

As I trotted back down the hill I realized The Mom Voice was right: If I want to be better and stronger I was just going to have to embrace the suck. The perfectionist in me HATES that but the sensible part of my brain knows I have to keep moving forward to get better at anything I do. I will never be Steve Prefontaine nor will I have has fabulous 1970s ‘stache but I can celebrate my victories no matter how small and embrace the suck until I can run up those damned hills without stopping. And when I do, you’ll be the first to know.

Book Report: Art, Anthologies, Royals and Movement

My original plan to add more content to my blog was to do a book reports when I finished reading a book. But, I’m not good at book reports and I’ve never been good at finding subtle nuances of gently placed commas and comparing the main character’s flaws with Freudian psychology. So, I decided to do things a little different; instead of reading a book and reviewing it, I’m going to do a monthly book report summarizing the books I read (and picked up but never finished). It’s much more interesting than long book reviews and I’m all about bite-sized chunks.

So, the first book I read in 2014 is a re-read and it’s Steve Martin’s book An Object of Beauty: A Novel. Yes, that Steve Martin. Steve Martin’s works of fiction like Shop Girl and An Object of Beauty are very approachable much like his on-screen work but have subtle, erudite themes that make you feel like you’re being included in something truly wonderful. This book is the story of a young, ambitious New Yorker named Lacey Yeager who lands a job at Sotheby’s Auction House. Narrated by Lacey’s friend Daniel who finds her strangely fascinating and infuriating. Lacy is one of those aloof and smart people we say we want to emulate but can never truly be. While this may seem like any other “ambitious young person” book, Steve Martin throws in an Art History 101 course (complete with visual aids and pictures of the work he references) and a behind the scenes glimpse into the New York art world. I’ve always admired Steve Martin and this book made me admire him even more. It made me want to peer into his brain and watch the gears turn as they work their magic.

Next up is Membrane Fiction + Art Anthologie. I have read many books of short stories by reputable authors and usually they have a couple of stories that stand out but the rest are fillers. Not so with this book. Membrane is a release from The Dreadful Café, an author collective and publishing imprint that gives their proceeds to charity. Membrane is packed with engaging short stories on everything from zombie grandmothers, clown plagues, cannibals and more. Sprinkled in between stories are original, thought provoking pieces of art with short back stories. It’s very rare when I don’t want a book to end but I was surprised when I got to the end because I wanted more. This book is available for download only but Dreadful Café promises it will be out in print soon.

Turning now to biography, the next book is one I started but didn’t finish but not because it was a bad book, but because the “characters” in the book were repulsive, abusive jerks. I’m talking about Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. I first heard an interview with Jane Ridley the author of The Heir Apparent: A Life of Edward VII, the Playboy Prince and was intrigued by the topic. Besides walking by Royal Albert Hall in London and seeing the movie Mrs. Brown I knew absolutely nothing about Vicky and Albert. This thoroughly researched book shines a light on the life and times of “Bertie” or Edward VII. It gives you an inside look into the papers and writings of the family and explains why Bertie went from a gambler, glutton and womanize to a respected head of state. I loved the writing in this book and appreciate the research, but I just couldn’t finish it. Vicky and Albert needed a healthy dose of anti-depressants and why Bertie didn’t haul off and kill them is beyond me.

The last book on my “read” list is The Unapologetic Fat Girl’s Guide to Exercise and Other Incendiary Acts by Hanne Blank. It doesn’t matter if you weight 120 or 220 pounds, this book is for anyone who has had body issues or just can’t find any joy in exercising. When I started my running program this year, my main goal was not to run a marathon or a half marathon (that will come later) but to learn to enjoy exercise. Before I started the program, exercise was work. It was something I did to train for an event and it wasn’t fun. It was something I did because I needed to lose weight. It hurt and I beat myself up too much when I didn’t “perform” to the standards in my brain. This book helped me get beyond those feelings and learn to enjoy exercise again. The basic message of the book is we shouldn’t exercise to conform our bodies to society’s standards or implied health issues, but we should do it to feel better in our own skin and make our bodies more functional. Hanne gives sound advice on choosing workout plans, choosing workout gear and how to feel comfortable in a gym when you’re surrounded by the Beautiful People. I can’t emphasize how important this book is for anyone who hates exercise or has felt less than comfortable in their skin. It’s a down-to-earth approach to exercise with no shame and by the end you’ll feel empowered enough to move more.

Let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about taking R. Buckminster Fuller’s advice and changing things by building a better model. I called it Anna 1.5. Typically when I make grand proclamations about things like unfinished projects, weight loss, etc I think about it for a few days and put it in a dusty corner with a pile of other unfinished projects. This time, however, I took some time to mull over Bucky’s advice and broke it up into smaller chunks and thought about what it really means to evolve into Anna 1.5. What I learned was I wasn’t “chunking” things up very well and would focus on the entire mountain instead of picking it apart. I have trained and raced in triathlons but after the races, I never had anything planned to maintain my level of fitness. This time around, I’m not doing another triathlon, but I have joined a local running group and I’ve made a list of local, smaller events I can race in before a doing a half marathon. It’s a constant dangling carrot to keep me going rather than training for ONE thing and crashing at the end and undoing all my hard work. While I was “chunking” my goals into neat piles, I thought about this blog and its focus. It originally started as supplemental material for A Closer Look Radio with tidbits and detritus I randomly gleaned from the interwebs and evolved into a blog about life, creativity, business and whatever else came to mind. I wrote about my husband’s deployment and aired out my brain on a variety of topics. Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m repeating myself and the blog is getting stale. Don’t worry, I’m not going to shut it down, I’m just going to turn it into Anna’s Blog 1.5. My plan is to provide more interesting content allowing me to grow as a writer and actually use my creative automat. I’m going to write more book and movie reviews, take pictures of my food (cuz I’m such a hipster), explore new places, and create a diary of my travels served on beautiful plates. Sure it sounds like my usual grand plans but using a calendar and my newly found chunking skills, I will have a plan before jumping in to the deep end of the pool. My mom always told us to get out of the house and explore, so I’m going to do that and take you with me. I will continue to write about the creative process and anything else that comes to mind, but more writing exercises and better content for Blog 1.5 is definitely on the docket. I also have an exciting project I’ll be working on as my way to give back to all of the combat vets but more on that later.

One is not born into the world to do everything but to do something

Celebrated architect, systems theorist, author, designer, inventor, and futurist and designer of my sister’s (geodesic) home R. Buckminster Fuller once said, “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”

2014 is lurking and so is the promise of a cleaner slate, grand plans™ and the year I will finally do x,y, and z. Like most people, I get caught up in the excitement of a New Year and the chance to “start over”. But somehow, when the clock strikes midnight, I have not transformed into Anna Alexander 2000® and I still have to get up for work, pay bills and deal with traffic. What I don’t do each year is take “Bucky’s” advice and think about how to build a better model and learn from the previous model’s mistakes. It’s easy to get caught up in the inertia of life (work, commute, family) and not spend time building better models of ourselves. I’m not saying you have to lose 50 pounds in one year and split atoms in your garage on the weekends, but how often do you take inventory of your life and think about the small ways in which you can either continue being fabulous or make little tweaks to build a better model?

One small tweak I did this year was set monthly lunch and pedi dates with a friend. I tend to ignore my feet until I’m doing sun salutations in yoga class and realize they need maintenance. The monthly date is a nice little treat of relaxation and it doesn’t cost the earth. Something I really need to work on in 2014 is getting out of bad headspace at work when I’m learning something new. The perfectionist in me thinks I should already know how to do something rather than “being a sponge” as my mom says and enjoying the opportunity to learn. I work with some very intelligent people and I have a great opportunity to learn – beating myself up because I don’t know how an electrical current works does not make me a better Anna 1.5.

What does make me better is knowing I CAN be a better Anna 1.5. I haven’t’ been exercising as much as I should these past few months so I used some of my Christmas money to buy a membership to a local running club. I do better when I exercise with others and, quite frankly, it’s more fun. Sure, it’s going to hurt and I won’t be able to sleep in on Saturdays but I’ll like myself better and that’s work an early morning wake up call any day.

What about you Gentle Reader? What simple steps can you take to build a better model in 2014? What has been on your list forever that needs action or just simply crossed off? Drop me a line and I’ll report on my findings throughout the year.