Epic Failing – On Purpose

Each year, über writer and person-I-want-to-be-when-I-grow-up, Neil Gaiman, sends out a New Year’s wish to his readers. Last year he wrote something that needs to be painted on my office walls and meticulously copied in into my journal:

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness.

This year Neil changed gears a little and presented an interesting idea that should be tattooed on everyone’s brain:

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.

So that’s my wish for you and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it. Make your mistakes, next year and forever.

In other words, Neil Gaiman is giving us permission to fail. Is my interpretation too extreme? Maybe, but what this amazing writer is telling us is we have to get away from our computers and Facebook and meet people and making glorious plans and allow ourselves to make mistakes while we do it. In America it seems people’s biggest fears are failure. Failure to achieve those lofty goals we set for ourselves, failure to get our dream business going, failure to train hard enough for an event before the starting date. But is failure really that bad?

I have failed at many things including golf (although I am an excellent putter), making decent spaetzle and getting up early to write. I participated in group sports when I was a kid and realized it was best to quit while I was ahead. I worked in radio for four years before deciding I had enough. Does that make me a failure? No, I am being realistic about my strengths and learning to understand my limits. This, in turn, allows me to become a better-rounded person.

Think of the people you know who have never left their home state. I knew a few people like that, in fact, I know people who live in the suburbs of Portland and refuse to drive downtown. Most likely because traffic is horrible any time of the day, but STILL.. never leaving your suburb?! Don’t make come over there! There is life outside of our comfort zones!

Last week on A Closer Look Radio, Pam interviewed entrepreneur and author Troy Hazard about how to stop lying to yourself and not make decisions based on fear. Listen to the interview here. Troy is a guy who sits down every year and writes out what is truly important to his personal life, his family, and his business and how he can achieve his goals to get the most out of all three aspects.

One thing Troy said that really stuck with me was how he makes that list and includes people who can influence and inspire him to achieve his goals. Perhaps maybe it’s time for me to call up Neil Gaiman and invite him over for afternoon tea. Or maybe just take his advice and start making grand plans and even grander mistakes.

 

Works and Lives With Her Family in an Interesting Place

Much like infomercials, I find mission statements to be incredibly fascinating. I like to see what goes into them, how they are crafted and how that message is portrayed to customers. But what you see isn’t always what you get. The turkey that comes out of the CookMaster 2000 infomercial was baked in a conventional oven and then placed in the CookMaster 2000 only after a nice layer of bronzer and lip gloss was applied. With mission statements, many companies spend way too much time and money on consultants to craft the perfect mission statement only to have to explain what it means to a confused public.

Last year I explored the idea of creating your own mission statement which you can read here and even get tips on generating your own. I like the idea of creating a mission statement to define what you do and cater it to your needs as they change. What I don’t like are vague mission statements everyone in a company has to memorize.

With that in mind, I turn my attention to bios this week. You know bios.. the things you read on the back of a book. For example: Anna Alexander is the award-winning author of such investigative pieces of journalism as Tatertot Hotdish: The Myth, The Mystery, The Midwest and Klutz: A young woman’s journey into the side of coffee tables and sharp objects. Anna lives in the Pacific Northwest with her over-achieving husband and over-scheduled and gifted children. When not producing and starring in travel documentaries, Anna relaxes by training for Iron Man triathlons and knitting. But not at the same time.

Last week I was whining to my friend Pam Atherton about various and sundry things including what I want to be when I grow up. Pam, being the wise woman she is responded to my e-mail by writing, So have you decided what IS your dream job? Spell that sucker out! Write it down as if I said to you… “Write your bio.”

Wow! Creating my own focus instead of just wishing? Being detailed about what I want? What a concept!

Out of curiosity, I Googled “creating your own bio” and found this article. The author pointed out that the standard resume is dead and we creative types need to show the world what we can do rather than tell. She explained we need to create our bios by marketing ourselves in new and interesting ways and developing a promising back story. She also emphasized seeking external validation to back up our work. You know, like getting Neil Gaiman to write a blurb about how great your book is or giving an advance copy to the President so he can be photographed with it. (I’m lookin’ at you Jonathan Franzen!) It was a great article and something I wish I had written but will keep it in my tool box for future reference.

Now is the time when I share my bio with you. But I won’t, because I haven’t written it yet and I don’t want to just throw out some fluff to fill space on my website. I need to give it a little more thought and think about what I truly want. I can tell you at this very moment my bio involves travel and writing. I’m sure other needs will fill themselves in as I go about the process and make lots of lists. I’ll share those with you as I progress.

Until then, Gentle Reader, how do you want your bio to read? What, as the saying goes, would you attempt if you knew you couldn’t fail? How does having a “dream bio” help you focus your goals? Have you ever thought about it before? I’m interested in your thoughts and will expand on the dream bio in future blog posts.

A Toast and Boast on New Year’s Day

 

It is New Year’s Day, and unlike most people, I did not drink too much or stay up too late last night. I did wake up long enough to hear our neighbors blow off fireworks at midnight and go back to sleep.

As the rest of the world wakes up and wishes everyone a happy new year, I’ve noticed a renewed sense of hope on the blogs and Facebook feeds for 2012 that we haven’t seen in a long time. There’s an underlying feeling of promise that 2012 will in fact be better than the last decade and there is something to look forward to.

It’s always easy to dwell on the crappy things that happened in the past year, but in this week’s blog post, I am going to do something I don’t do very often: make it about me. If you’ve listened to A Prairie Home Companion more than once, you’ll know that Mid-westerners, especially Minnesotans don’t like drawing attention to themselves or bragging about what they’ve done. It’s easy for us to deflect compliments as if saving a building full of orphans from their fiery was death was nothing special. But in the fine tradition of a Norse Symbel Ceremony, I’m going to boast about my year and what I’ve accomplished and what I hope to accomplish in the next year:

• In the past year, I trained harder than I have ever trained before thanks to my trainer Ken and raced in my 3rd triathlon. I shaved off 10 minutes from my last time and was quite pleased with my performance. The experience was great but toward the end of the race I decided I wanted to do something else.

• Over the summer, I and three other creative friends started a monthly tradition of getting together at a coffee shop with the purpose of encouraging each-other’s creative endeavors, giving advice, and just having a place to be creative and solve many of the world’s problems. Thank you WBTASS!!! (don’t ask)

• I got out of my comfort zone more times than I could count by going to writers groups and reading stuff I wrote in front of strangers, approaching the owner of a local wine bar and talking her into letting me write her newsletters, and finding inspiration through the PDX writers group.

• I started writing articles for pay and thoroughly enjoyed the process. I have written on everything from sweating, to Annapolis, MD to writing content for a websites selling questionable products. I learned how to trust my writing more and enjoy the process.

• My Grandma Kloss died in February and I went back to MN for the funeral. I connected with a long lost cousin and generally had a really nice time hanging with my relatives, laughing and eating. In March, my dad came to visit and we installed new Pergo flooring in our living room. All by ourselves. I felt so accomplished. Last year, I learned the true value of family and it felt really, really good.

• I’ve sorted out my brain on this blog and in my own journal and learned a few things along the way – including how to be nicer to myself.

That’s just a few things I’ve accomplished in 2011. In 2012, I just simply want to function better. I wrote about it a couple of weeks ago and I mean it. Eat better, stop letting my blood sugar get so low, exercise every day even if it’s only 30 minutes and most importantly, stop beating myself for being human. I also plan to ask for help more often.. but I can’t do everything at once now can I?

Here’s to 2012 and thriving in whole new ways!

We’ll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne

Last week my trainer Ken wrote to me and asked how my workouts were going. He does this periodically to check in on and see how I’m progressing. After a couple of frustrating weeks, I finally bit the bullet and told him I wasn’t sure how I was doing and thought it might be easier to just hit the Do Over Button.

Like a good trainer, Ken gave me a good pep talk and told me not to get discouraged because I’m not progressing as I would like and to remember that we all have bad weeks (sometimes 2 or 3) and to get past it. He also told me me it was probably time for me to re-evaluate my fitness goals and to think about what I truly wanted, to dream big, and to get back to him after a week of thinking. He ended his e-mail by telling me that while I was thinking about these goals, to get off my butt and do the exercises he sent. I laughed and smiled because he did have a point.

As I mulled over my exercise goals over the week, I thought about how this relates to creative goals or any sort of life benchmarks we set for ourselves. What do we do when the path isn’t going where want it to go? What do we do when we get stuck in the mud? Are afraid to reach out for help or just take that deep breath and leap? For many of us, myself included, we continue to spin in the mud or dig that hole a little deeper until it is just too much to deal with and get distracted by something new and shiny.

Now that 2012 is lurking in the cornfields ready to attack, it’s time to pull out that list you made last year on New Year’s Eve of all those grand plans and sweeping changes you were going to make in 2011. I pulled out my journal and read my entry on December 26^th. I made notes about finding abundance, taking more joy in writing and creating a balance in my mental and spiritual state. For the most part, I think I did well. There were a few things I really wanted to accomplish but didn’t because of (insert random excuse here). Going back to what Ken the Trainer said, the main reason I didn’t accomplish these things was because I hit a roadblock, wasn’t sure how to proceed or just got distracted by a new, shiny object. Instead of re-grouping and re-examining those goals, I just moved on to something else leaving behind a pile of half-finished dreams.

The idea of a new year gives us the opportunity to reflect on what we want and also wipe the slate clean, think about all the things we can do creatively, spiritually or physically. What is keeping you from accomplishing these tasks and how can you take Ken the Trainer’s advice and get off your butt and just do it?

I can’t just pontificate on goals setting without listing my own plans for 2012. After careful consideration, I determined that I simply want to function better. That means exercising so my hormones and emotions stay in check and also meet my weight goals, meditating each day even if it’s just 5 minutes on the train, and getting out of my comfort zone and really going for what I want.

Drop me a line and let me know how you plan to function better in 2012. Let’s start a conversation about how to work toward these goals. I want to block out all the spammers in the comments section that want to sell me little blue pills with a healthy discussion.

In the next few months I plan on expanding on this topic and doing a series of articles and interviews with people smarter than me. I may even see if I can get Ken the Trainer to sit still for 5 minutes and answer questions about how set realistic exercise goals.

Fragments and Shrapnel: Examining Your Standards Part I

When my husband and I were buying our house, we began our search with a list of requirements. It was a long list but we were willing to negotiate on having a pool and a cabana/lawn boy to help with home maintenance. As we learned about what we could afford and what was in our price range, our list got shorter and I compared it to dating: You start with a list of what your ideal partner would be and eventually narrow it down to a warm body and a heartbeat. While we refused to look at condos or anything without a backyard, we did have to adjust our requirements. While I liked the general condition and feel of a house I dubbed The Flower Puke House (think pink couch and flowered wallpaper), I wasn’t going to spend hours removing the ugly wallpaper and pink carpeting.

This week I got an e-mail from an online creative services group that started their newsletter with an image of a permission slip. The slip simply said I had permission to lower my standards. Huh?  As a perfectionist, I often feel that everything I write has to be genius and perfect the first time out of the gate. It’s not very productive and doesn’t get me anywhere. Like most people, I would like to be more successful and make more money and be on my way to world domination. But I’m not there yet. Like a good Virgo, I sometimes beat myself up over this and really shouldn’t.

I thought more about the permission slip and my own definition of success. We all want to have the perfect job and life by the time we’re 40 but is that realistic? Is the bar set too high? Is really realistic to think you can run that marathon before you’re 40? How ‘bout a half marathon or even a 10K? As I discussed this topic with my husband he reminded me to think of it less as lowering my standards and thinking more about the standards themselves?

This blog post is going to be short this week because I want to continue it next week to highlight a fabulous interview that aired on A Closer Look Radio last week. The guest, Gina Amaro Rudan wrote a book about attracting and using your genius and setting goals for success. The interview really spoke to me and will to you. Have a listen here  and come back next week and we’ll talk about it.

Fragments and Shrapnel: Abundance

Years ago when the economy tanked and newspapers and online news sources were shouting strum und drang and the end was surely near, I started carrying an abundance journal. Much like everyone else at the time, my husband and I were struggling to stay afloat and while we tried to figure out how to pay our bills and eat at the same time. It was easy for me to look at my empty checking account and think of how bad things were, but having been down that spiral before, I choose to look at what I did have.

Now that Thanksgiving is over and the Christmas frenzy is in full swing, the stress of the holidays has begun. We look at the balances in our checking accounts and wonder how the heck we’re going to pay for presents. Everyone bemoans the commercialism of the holidays but still continue with the tradition of scraping by and going into debt buying presents. Sure there are cheap and easy gifts you can give, and I found that out when I learned how to knit. But this blog post is not about cheap and easy holiday gifts, it’s about creating abundance.

I carried the abundance journal with me and would jot down ideas or things I encountered throughout the day that made me feel abundant. My list ranged from simple things like admiring the nice houses in my neighborhood, to the bulk food section at the grocery store, to the produce aisle filled with inexpensive fruits and vegetables. Hell, even the simple act of composting our food made me feel abundant. Of course the occasional Trader Joe’s gift card from my in-laws would land in our mailbox and that would make me feel abundant, too. (Note to in-laws: This is not a hint… just an example)

The simple act of recognizing what WAS abundant in my life instead of what wasn’t helped change my perspective and create more abundance. It’s one of those easy and yet hard lessons I needed to remind myself that everything isn’t ALL bad when life is feeling like a grey Pacific Northwest day.

Recently, I decided to invest in another abundance journal when the onslaught of holiday gift giving advice and ůber sales at the local box store began their seasonal swarm. Sure, I could ignore it and write my manifesto about consumerism, but that display in the Macy’s window in downtown Portland sure looks inviting along with the $200 sweater.

Some of the items on my list include:

• The holiday tree and all of its energy-saving lights in downtown Portland
• Passing by full restaurants and watching people laugh and enjoy themselves
• Watching the leaves on the trees change from green to red to yellow.

Simple things like the changing and the swollen Columbia River after a heavy rainfall made me feel like I have something when all the holiday advertising is telling me otherwise. Last week I while I walked to work, I picked up a gorgeous yellow and red leaf and gave it to a co-worker. I told her it was a lucky leaf which meant she would have a good day. She was most appreciative and it made me feel good.

So, as the weather gets colder and the lines everywhere get longer and people crankier, what makes YOU feel abundant? What alternatives are there to the $200 sweater to feel abundant?

Fragments and Tarot Cards

 

Ray Bradbury once said, “Quantity produces quality, if you only write a few things, you’re doomed.”

At a recent meeting of creative minds, the balance between wanting something and actively working toward that goal was a topic of heated discussion. Examples of people who want to be a writer or artist but wouldn’t commit to the work were shared and discussed. We all have ideas and plans to bring us happiness and make us millions but the actual follow through with these plans is the hard part. Our lives are busy, we have long commutes and a list of excuses for doing what we truly want to do.

Many ideas and creative solutions are found by peeking under mossy rocks and digging a little deeper. For this article I consulted The Enchanted Map Oracle Cards for insight into how you, gentle reader, can work toward your goal of being a writer, painter or entrepreneur. I drew three cards and interpreted their positions as challenge, advice, and outcome.

Challenge: Education Card – This card shows a woman sitting near a foggy ocean with a faerie coming out of her book. A stork sits in front of her watching her read and maybe hoping she’ll take notice. There is a waxing moon in the sky and there are clouds in the sky in part of the card but blue sky in the back. The woman seems oblivious to the stork and faerie but comfortable in her spot next to the ocean. Storks are said to bring luck. The quote from the book describing this card says, Life is filled with lessons. Be teachable. Wisdom comes from participating in life, not just reading about it.

Advice: Come Together Card – This card shows two giraffes with their heads pointed up and chins touching. Above the giraffes are a progression of three hearts going from small to big. Each heart has a crown in the middle of it. Sitting on top of the biggest heart is a pelican looking quite proud of itself. The book describing this card says love needs to be shared. On the path to discover the nature of this emotion and all of its forms. Time to create partnerships. Giraffes in some African cultures signify grace and beauty.

Outcome: Making a Choice (path splits) This card shows a cobblestone path in the sky with a little blue bird sitting off to the right of the path. The path splits into two possibilities one has green grass and a prairie-like setting and the other has purple skies and a crack in the ground with purple mountains in the background. In both choices a bird comes out of the door but different types of birds. One has a butterfly and the other has a sparky birds flying into the door way and the other has them flying out. The bird that flies out of the purple door is a butterfly signifying a metamorphosis. The Book says, You are required to come to a decision now. Trust your intuition and take responsibility for your actions.

I have my own interpretation of the reading, but I sought outside advice (come together) from my friend and fellow tarot expert, Jaymi. We start the discovering process by educating ourselves and going beyond our comfort zones. It is not easy to sit down and work on our craft every day but it is necessary and gets us out of our ruts. It also teaches us that maybe this is not the way we want to go and change our direction. The advice of the cards is a reminder to gather our support network and find ways to get information for our challenges. The card is telling us to recognize our contribution to the discussion and also how to lend our voices to the chorus. The outcome card ties it all together reminding us to keep walking down our paths and perfecting our crafts. Grow, learn, make choices. To quote Yoda, “Do or do not, there is no try.”

I have expounded on this topic a great deal here and here and encourage you to read these posts and lend your voice to the conversation. How do YOU find creative ways to reach your goals? What type of tools do you or could you use? Tarot card? Tea leaves? Expert advice from your cat? I’d love to hear what you have to say. Leave a comment before the spammers try to sell me a Golden Ticket.

Fragments and Shrapnel: Obstructions and Radiance

Joseph Campbell once said, “What is the obstruction in your life and how can you transform it into radiance?”

For me the obstructions are time management, direction, and how to proceed which prevent me from obtaining radiance.. that and a good moisturizer. But all kidding aside, think about all the roadblocks you put in front of yourself to prevent you from working toward your goals. Do you self-sabotage? Not go beyond your comfort zone? Not ask for help?

Last week on A Closer Look Radio, Pam interviewed entrepreneur and author Adelaide Lancaster whose book The Big Enough Company, is a guide anyone can use to achieve radiance in their businesses or every day life. Pam and Adelaide discussed the important conversations you need to have BEFORE starting a business and how to really focus on what you want to get out of running a business instead of letting it run you. Everyone wants to be their own boss but not everyone knows how.

During the interview Adelaide broke her message down into a simple recipe anyone can follow:

1. Why do you want to work for yourself and how you can you build it into your experience? What is non-negotiable for you? What do you have to get now? What can wait?

2. Create the impact you desire – what is the purpose behind the business?

3. Give yourself a job you enjoy

4. Attain the outcome you envision – what does success mean to you and what are you aiming for?

Adelaide stressed the importance of branching out and talking to people who are NOT in your industry. You may be a good writer but do you know to make a business plan or market yourself? I really never thought about talking to non-writers about the creative process. But getting an outside perspective is important so I don’t burn out or make dumb decisions. What do you do to get that perspective? How could your projects benefit from another pair of eyes?

As usual, Pam’s timing was perfect becuase I have been asking myself the same questions and so have many of my friends who are seeking new paths. We have a goal and a dream but we’re not quite sure how to mold it into something enjoyable and profitable.

If you don’t listen to A Closer Look Radio, you really should. It’s like going to a mini-business school without the inflated tuition. I have learned so much listening to this show and serving as the Content Editor. It has helped me stay motivated and given me a map and compass to help me reach my goals. You can download the show’s app for your iPhone or Android or just add it to your list of podcasts in Itunes. Pam’s excellent interview skills and fascinating guests will have you coming back for more and sharing the advice with your friends. I know I sound like an advertisement for the show but I wouldn’t tell you something was this good if it wasn’t. Just go listen… you’ll find radiance in no time.

Fragments and Shrapnel: It IS What You Think

Over the past couple of weeks my comfort zone has been tested while my commute got longer. Throw in a big project I’ve been slowly working on for my aunt Tricia and the world seemed like a really big place.

When uncomfortable changes arrive on my doorstep, my first response, like most people, is to have a knee-jerk reaction. I dwelled on the long commute, how tired I would be, and having to sit behind smelly people for too long. The book project seemed too big and I didn’t know where to start.

Often times a situation just IS and how we react turns it into a positive or negative experience. I have a creative network of friends who are always willing to help me out when I’m in a rut but some days I forget that and would rather beat my head against the wall.

Recently on A Closer Look Radio, Pam interviewed author and neuro-psychiatrist, Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz. He has a new book out on how to re-wire your brain and how to not let deceptive messages we tell ourselves every day (like I’m not good enough, I’m fat, etc. etc.) rule our lives. I have previously mentioned on this blog that I don’t believe in miracle pills or that one size fits all, but this was one of those interviews that made me pay attention and take lots of notes. Dr. Schwartz’s brain-rewiring message was broken down into four steps:

1. Re-label
2. Re-frame your thinking
3. Re-focus
4. Re-value

Instead of taking the easy route and going down the spiral of pity and loathing, I used Dr. Schwartz’s advice in my own situation.

• Yes, my commute is longer but I also don’t have to get up as early and I get to go to bed later.
• I take the train to work and do not sit in bump-to-bumper traffic which would take 10 years off my life.
• I get shit done.

With this new plan in place, I was ready to tackle the mountain that is my aunt’s book project. I talked about it with a friend and fellow writer and she brought a fresh outlook to the project. With her help and advice, I was able to parse the project down into manageable chunks. After our talk, I felt like the sun had made a brief appearance in the Pacific Northwest and the birds were singing. By just taking the step of asking for help, I turned a brewing disaster into a feeling of renewed confidence so I could get the project done.

In the interview, Dr. Schwartz also suggested giving yourself positive feedback and rewards for small changes. Like most overachievers, I have this notion that I need to climb a mountain on my first try or publish the great American novel from a first draft. I like the idea of rewarding myself for small changes AND giving myself permission to ask for help. It helps make the journey a little more palatable and easier to walk. What about you? How have YOU changed your thinking when life throws you a curve ball?

Fragments and Websites

I was recently joking with my hair stylists about how, back in the olden days, we used to have to wait in long lines at the bank on a Friday so we’d have enough cash for the weekend. In another conversation with my husband, we were discussing our finances and why we keep getting the local newspaper and why we still have a land-line phone. The only good reason we had for keeping it was inertia. The conversation got me thinking about How Things Have Changed over the years especially when it comes to promoting one’s business and talents.

Gone are the days when starving writers and artists have to beg gallery owners and publishers to promote their work. Facebook and Twitter and even self-publishing websites are making it easier to get work out there quickly. Bank won’t loan you money to publish your new novel? Go to Kickstarter and raise the money yourself! Don’t know how to make a website? Don’t worry. WordPress and Tumblr can help you design your own site without having to learn long strings of HTML code.

Even though we may not need to stop at the bank on Fridays anymore or keep our land-line phones, any successful business person needs to have a web presence. Don’t have a website? Might as well just pack it up! If you are a plumber and my friend tells me you’re good, I’m going to check you out online first before I give you call. Don’t have a website? I might look elsewhere. While my parents or grandparents probably don’t care if your business has a website, my generation and the Millennials do. A local pizza chain in my neighborhood has great pizza but their website looks like it was slapped together by the owner’s nephew. My husband recently clicked on the website of a large home-improvement chain and found it to be clunky, hard to read, and unhelpful. You would think a multimillion dollar company could hire someone to put together a website that was a little more user friendly.

Recently, on A Closer Look Radio, Pam interviewed Eric Wolf, the author of Marketing Unmasked, and they talked about how important it is to have a good website. He gave good suggestions as to what every website should have and how to use it to supplement your business. He recommended every website should have a regularly updated blog, a section for company news, a good “About Us” page, and testimonials and case studies. Simple really. But some people don’t seem to get it. Check out the interview here to learn more.

A passionate DIY culture is growing in the United States which can be seen locally with the creative types in Portland and on a national level with the #Occupy protests. Traditional marketing and promotion just doesn’t work anymore when you can do it on the cheap with Facebook, Twitter and even LinkedIn. More and more people are finding unconventional ways to promote their work and I enjoy watching the traditional business models adjust to these changes.